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A personal letter from Melinda:

Friends,

For those of you who did not know, we were expecting.  For those who did already know, yesterday I miscarried at 12 1/2 weeks pregnant.

Three months of journaling, gratitude, joy, dreaming and nurture.  Three months of enlarging breasts, swollen belly, nausea, and fatigue, while loving every minute of it.

A few drops of blood lead to a long evening of painful labor.  Passing clots and other debris upon each wave of contraction.

The ultrasound revealed there was never a fetus. There was, however, a fertilized egg that sent my fertile-myrtle uterus into outright baby-ready mode.

You see, she was very eager.

nest2

She reminds of me of those times I’ve quickly cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the toilet and sweated through a hyper-speed spot mop session, only to find out the company I was preparing for, had to humbly cancel.

All that work.  And for what? I was perfectly fine living in the midst of a filthy house. I was content, until the slightest notion of someone entering my space. And at that point, there was work to do.

You see, my sweet uterus, she was so eager for a guest.

Yet, upon resting after a hurried rigmarole of cleaning house, I take a look around, and smile.  Oh, what a lovely home I have.  Did it really hurt to tidy up a bit? Did it kill me to burst out a  quick sweat  for a dear friend? So then, I sit and rest with a cup of tea, enjoying my space.

Today, here I sit, by a toasty fire, sipping tea; tenderly content. There have been tears. And now, we are comforted and resting in our space.

Three months of nurture have done us well.  Three months of quieting our minds, our thoughts and our life; focusing on purpose and intentional living. Three months of gratefully looking upward with hearts full of thanksgiving. Three months of gratitude have done us well.

For whatever reason – research suggests it may have been chromosomal or a genetic abnormality – the fertilized egg was not authorized by the Creator, to further its development.

Throughout this family’s journey,  we have learned to trust in our Heavenly Father in every aspect of our life.  And so, in this, we trust his halting of this life.  We also trust his deep love for us,  to not have to know why.

I rest my head against His chest today, receiving his comfort and wrapped up in his love.

Peace flows through this family.

Peace rolls through this home.

 

Love,

The Cadwalladers

 

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9 thoughts on “Would you sit with me for just a moment?

  1. Melinda, what a beautiful piece of writing to share your thoughts and feelings. You have a special way with words and have tenderly and effectively communicated both the pain and sorrow of this week’s heartache as well as your faith that it was part of God’s plan and your resulting contentment. I will be praying for you, Mike and your children as you continue your healing — physically for you, and emotionally for all of you. I’m sorry for your loss.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for your family & that all of you heal. A loss like this is hard to understand & sometimes accept but with your loving family & faith you will be able to get through this. Please accept our prayers and well wishes.

    Nadine

  3. I am sorry to hear this. Your unborn child will rest in peace, as he or she is now with Jesus and God. I am sorry you will not be enjoying his or her company here on earth, and hope all is well with your whole family. God bless.

  4. Sweet sister! I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you today. May our God of peace and comfort wrap you in His arms. Love you!!!

  5. I have felt this same pain so I feel your loss. Thank you for sharing, and I am praying for your continued strength.

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